Married

Dating Girl: Married co-workers should cool romance, Josey Vogels advises.

Dear Dating Girl: This past fall, a co-worker and I became involved in a passionate affair. We are both (unhappily) married, she with two young children, and I with a baby on the way.
We fell in love with each other and planned to leave our spouses in order to be together. We confessed our infidelity to our spouses; she left her husband and I made preparations to leave my wife. She then changed her mind and decided to return to her husband. She said she couldn’t get past the fact that I had a baby on the way. She felt it was my duty to be a fulltime father to my child and she feared that if we gave our relationship a chance and it didn’t work out, I would resent her for separating me from my child.
We have tried to maintain a friendship without any physical contact, but it has been frustrating. We both feel we’re meant to be together but, because of the baby, she refuses to let this happen. How can I convince her that we should take this opportunity for happiness and give our relationship a chance. How can she admit to feeling that we belong together yet be unwilling to give it a chance?
Not What I Was Expecting
Dear Not: She has explained why she can’t give it a chance: Despite what her heart is telling her, her head is thinking about your child and your role as a father. And I’m going with her head on this one.
Despite your feelings now, having a baby will change the view entirely. And you have no way of predicting what feelings of responsibility it will drum up.
Why not take this woman’s advice and wait to see how things are after baby is born. Even if you can’t offer emotional support, your wife will need your physical support during the first few months. I think you owe at least that to her.
Also, I’d suggest you not only limit your physical contact but also your platonic contact with the other woman through this period. Once things settle into a routine, you and this woman can revisit your situations.
If you are meant to be together, it will eventually work out.
Dear Dating Girl: I have a close girlfriend who is going through a bitter divorce. The other day, a mutual male friend of ours told me he was going to ask this girlfriend out. I think this is a terrible idea because a) my girlfriend isn’t ready to date and b) it’s going to make things really awkward between the three of us if they start dating or even worse, if he asks and she shoots him down.
He got angry at me when I expressed all of this to him and told me to mind my own business. I think this is my business, don’t you? He hasn’t called me since this happened and I’m not sure what to do. I don’t feel the need to apologize. If anything, I think he’s being unreasonable and should apologize to me. What do you think?
Tricky Business
Dear Tricky: And here you were so worried about the fact that him asking your girlfriend out would make things awkward between the three of you. Now, one friend isn’t talking to you and the other doesn’t know that you’re making decisions about her life.
If your girlfriend isn’t ready to date, I’m sure she is capable of letting this guy know. You’re her friend, not her protector. And yes, I do think you should apologize. Tell your male friend that were just feeling protective of your girlfriend. You can’t stop love just because it makes the three of you going to the movies together uncomfortable.

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